Harmful Ways
by Kira-Dai
Summary: This is a total human fanfic of the Blood Plus characters. Saya has been hurt badly, worrying all those close to her. There is a big story behind this, more than what is laid out. Saya will have to regain the memory of it she's lost and deal with what hap
1. Chapter 1

Hey! Thanks for reading my first posted work. I'm not great at writting(beginner that is ignorant and makes typos that get overlooked...) and I tend to improvise characters for my story, but im sure reviews will shape up the unwanted. So please feel free to reveiw and voice your opinion. Oh, and sorry my entries are so short. heh. I'll make it up to my readers. Anyways, i hope you enjoy it!

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Harmful Ways

**Summary:** This is a total human fanfic of the Blood Plus characters. Saya has been hurt badly, worrying all those close to her. There is a big story behind this, more than what is laid out. Saya will have to regain the memory of it she's lost and deal with what happened. If she doesn't, there might be trouble...

**Rated T**

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Everything was a blur, nothing distinguishable. Each time she opened her eyes to dizzy light, pain coursed through her and she'd close her eyes, trying to escape into the darkness of her eyelids and sleep away her discomfort. But someone kept waking her up.

'How annoying...' She thought moving her head from their touch. 'I wish they'd let me sleep.'

But everytime the sweet relife of sleep creeped upon her, she was pulled from it. She opened her eyes again, straining through the bluriness and pain to make out what was going on. She could see some people and could now tell she was moving. Was she in a car? Who was that talking? She got too tired of it and closed her eyes again, trying again for sleep, which wouldn't come. Someone was now moving her.

'Damn it.' She thought, fighting them slightly, but their hands were strong. 'They won't stop it...'

She could vaguely tell now that someone was carrying her, but everything was so mixed up that it could of been her carrying them...She shook it off and tried again to sleep, but again, when she was relaxing, she was shaken awake. She opened her eyes, fighting how tired she was, to look around. She could see a lot of blinding white. It was so bright in here. She blinked slightly, keeping her eyes barely open. But the longer her eyes stayed open, the worse she seemed to feel. So she again gave up on that and tried to close her eyes and relax. But she was shaken again.

She angerly tried to smack them away, but her hand felt heavy and it barely did anything. She cursed in her head, wishing she wasnt so tired so she could hit them into next November for messing with her while she was so tired. She blinked her eyes open to try to take in their face for later revenge. She heard someone's voice. Oh yeah, it had been there the whole time. She just had been too tired to think about it. Who was that? She knew that voice...

She blinked furiously, trying to clear up her vision. She was able to get a glance at them before the pain was too much for her exhausted state. She closed her eyes, trying to think. She knew who it was. But why were they carrying her? And where were they? This place was all too bright...Why was she so tired?... She moved a little and pain shot through her, almost pulling her into the comfort of sleep, but she stayed awake.

She spoke, but her throat felt dry, coming out hardly a whisper. "Haji, why are you carrying me?"

He didnt answer. She tried again, but no words came out...She was so dang tired. Why wouldn't they let her sleep...She felt something soft beneath her, and people touching her. They were being a little rough, but careful. She opened her eyes, not seeing Haji's figure, she got worried a moment. Everything flashed into clarity for a moment, the white room with serious faces around her, Haji being pulled away, his face in shock and worry. Soon followed a wave of pain, that finally, let her sleep. It pulled her down into it's depths, comforting her from all that garish nonsense. She felt much better now, better than ever...


	2. Chapter 2

She opened her eyes slowly,blinking to adjust her vision. After she had rubbed her sore eyes a moment, she took time to look around. At first she was panicked, this wasn't her room. But soon it dawned on her that she was in the hospital. It was hard to mistake the dreaded smell of anisetic, the sound of beeping machines, and the boring walls painted white and dull light brown as being anywhere but.

"Why the hell am i in here?" She said to no one, answered by silence

.

She grunted in annoiance and moved her arm to pull back the covers. More to annoy her were the tubes and wires attached to her arm, checking her pulse, feeding unknown liquids into her veins... She reached over to take them out, but put her hand down, thinking better of it. She let out a exasperated groan as she saw she was in the paper thin gowns the hospital gives and not her own clothing. She reached to the side of the bed, pushing the call button on the wall.

A moment later, a cheerful voice answered, "Yes, do you need anything?"

"Yeah. I need to know what the hell i'm doing here." She said calmly.

There was a moment of silence before the voice responded again. "I'll send your doctor in shortly. It's good to hear your awake." Then the speaker went dead.

She sighed and fell back on her bed, laying there...Then she began to wonder. 'Why am i at the hospital? What happened?' She began looking over her arms and legs...they seemed different, probably from being in here...'How long have i been out? My skin's paler..' She grabbed the end of her gown..

"Hello, Saya." A man's voice said from the doorway.

She looked up, letting go of her gown. "Hello doctor, care to tell me the news?"

He had a strange expression on his face as he closed the door and came in. "Of course, Saya." He took a file out from under his arm and sat it in the chair by her bed. It had been positioned very near the bed, facing her head...like someone had been sitting there, watching her...Had she been hurt enough for someone to worry so?

"How do you feel?" He asked as he fumbled around in his pocket to pull out a light. "Feel strange or anything?"

"No, i feel great. A little sore, maybe." She said stretching.

He leaned forward and held her eye open as he checked it with the light, then the other before turning it off and droping it in his pocket. He put his stethoscope in his ears, and placed the cool metal of the other end to her chest, listening a moment. He dropped it from her chest and put it back at rest upon his neck.

"Hey, why am i here?" She said agitated.

"You've been in acoma for three years after you attempted to take your own life." He said, simple and to the point.

She sat there, staring at him like he was nuts. "What?" He didnt smile, like she expected him to. To laugh and say it was just a prank, a little gag. He was serious. "How?..What happened?"

"Three years ago, when you were fifteen, you had been depressed, as you might remember. You and your boyfriend, Haji, were having problems. So,it seems, you wrote a suicide letter to everyone..." He reached into the file and pulled out a envelope and handed it to her. "You arrived at the hospital in Haji's arms. He had found you when he had come to apologize...You had lost a lot of blood. By the looks of it, you had taken a butcher knife to your stomach. Many of your internal organs had been injured. It had been a long and hard process, but you survived. But you didn't wake up." The doctor said, without a doubt, it seemed almost rehersed.

She sat there silent for a long time, staring up at the middle aged man. "You have to be pulling my chain." She said, giving a small laugh. "No doctor would say it like that."

"I just did." He tapped the letter. "Read that. Maybe take a look at your scars and you'll believe me. I had just promised someone i'd tell you it that way. He said you'd want the truth and telling you only what injuries you had received would just upset you and make you yell."

"Haji..." She whispered and he nodded. "He knows me well.."

"That he does." The doctor said smiling as he glanced at the chair by her bed. He picked up the file and put it back under his arm. "I'll give you some time alone."

She looked up at him and nodded with a small smile. He nodded once in confirmation and left the room, closing the door behind him. She watched him until he left the room, staring at the door for awhile. She wasn't sure how she'd react if she saw all this was true. Why couldn't she remember doing this? It was all so strange, so unreal...Finally her eyes wandered down to the envelope on her lap. It was a faded white with drop size stains of dull red on it. It made her stomach twist...she knew it was blood...her blood.. Her fingers clumsily took the envelope in her hands, holding it in front of her. She pushed the flap up with her thumb, unwilling to pull it back.

She closed her eyes a minute to calm herself. 'It will be better to know..' She thought as she opened her eyes to the envelope.

She moved the flap up and slid the paper out as slowly, giving her a little time. The white back of the paper had the blood soaked into it also, but in a more pinkish color. She stared at it a moment, trying to remember. Then she quickly opened the letter...and began to read her hand writting upon the page:

Everyone,

I just can't take it any more! It's all so meaningless and painful, this thing called life! Everything i love hates me, no one accepts me...I thought Reed loved me, but he doesn't...I've lost all my friends...Come to find out, none of them even cared. I was just there so they wouldn't have to be alone until they could find better people to be around...LIFE HAS TOO MANY LIES! I'm sick of all this and i've decided life isn't worth living...This will be the last words i ever have to say to you all. And sadly, i have nothing good to say... I'll watch over you from where ever i go, even though none of you care...I just can't live this way...Farewell.

Love,

Saya


	3. Chapter 3

So sorryyyyy! My word processor has been acting up and i haven't been keeping updates regular!!

Pouts i feel bad. So i will put a good update up D... unless i suck...lol

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She stared at the words, scrawled down in anger and pain. She didn't remember them being written by her hand. But it was her hand writting, there was no mistake... Tina folded the paper carefully and returned it to the envelope. She closed the flap and sat it upon her lap, staring at it. Unsure of everything, so confused...

'My wounds...he said to look. Surely that will tell me for sure if this is all real.' She thought and again grabed the edge of her gown, pulling it up to her chest.

Jagged white scars ran along her stomach, healed completely from her time lying in acoma here. The solid proof of what had happened...

She felt her heart drop, so filled with regret and sadness for what she knew she had done. Oh how horrible it must of been for her friends, for Haji...

How could she of done this to herself? Been so blind to everyone else because she was upset... Tears filled her eyes, daring to push over and spill over her face...

A knock on the door took her attention from the ugly scars and she let her gown drop.

'Yes?" She said in a slightly cracked voice as she dabbed at her eyes.

"Someone to see you Ms. Williams." The doctor said opening the door. "Your 'family' will be here shortly as well."

The doctor stood out of the way as a tall, dark clad figure came in the room. The doctor smiled at Saya and left, off to more important matters.

Saya kept her eyes on the person's black boots as they stood a foot away from the edge of her bed, waiting for her to beckon them closer.

She knew she couldn't ignore them forever in fear of who it was, what they would say...

So she let her eyes work slowly up towards their face.Taking in their loose black cargo pants, the comfortable short sleeve black band shirt with the ACDC logo against their pale skin, arms folded across their chest...

...then she finally looked at their face after a small hesitation.

She recognized the comforting sleepy eyes near hidden under the bangs of black hair and the tough gentle features...

"Haji?" She whispered. "Is that you?"

The smile she loved so much spread over his face and he nodded. "Yeah, it's me Saya."

"You look so...mature." She said, still so surprised.

"You do too...and you look like a wreck. Been sleeping too long again?"

She scowled at him then, frowning deeply. "Very funny."

He chuckled and walked over, sitting in the chair by her bed. The one she had noticed facing her before. "Sorry, i couldn't resist."

She paused a moment before a question hit her."Haji?...How did you get here so fast?"

"Get here? I practically live here. Have a job here too. You luckly caught me off duty." He said matter-of-factly.

He let it sink in a moment, and when she still looked confused, he sighed and continued, "Because of you, i didn't want to leave the hospital. Over some time, people thought i'd go crazy staying in this room all day... My parents made me go to school. And in my spare time, i was here, looking over you... But the hopital didn't much like me living off of them, so i was asked to leave. I worked some things out with some friends here though, and got a job. My work and help allows me to stay, and i get wages to help get what i need...But enough about me, how are you?"

Saya blinked, a smug look on her face. "I've been asleep for three years...I'm sore, i'm confused, i don't feel great...You know. I'm okay..." She stretched and asked, "But, you know, why did you do all that for me?"

Haji shrugged, sitting back in the chair. "When I said i'd always be there, I wasn't lying. I didn't intend to go back on my word."

Says looked into his eyes, searching them for a moment before looking away. "But? There's always a but."

"But nothing. That's what i've done for the last three years. Which reminds me. Your way behind on your homework."

She glared at him again, but couldnt help but smile when she saw his small smile. "I never liked doing it anyway."

He chuckled and nodded. A comfortable silence lasted a moment before his eyes caught the envelope laying on her lap. She looked down at it too then, both watching it.

She picked it up and held it, shifting her eyes back to him, now able to see the remnence(spell?) of pain that the envelope brought back to life. It was clearly shown in his eyes and it made it difficult to think past it. How this all had hurt him. The look on his face made her want to take it all back.

"So you know now?" He said finally, diverting his gaze to the painting on the wall.

"Yes...The doctor told me soon after i woke up." She said staring blankly at the envelope, leting her thumb run nervously along its edge. "I'm...i'm so sorry, Haji..."

He shifted in his chair to sit forward again, reaching one hand out to hold hers. "No, i'm sorry i hadn't gotten there soon enough."

"Don't feed me that, Haji...It was my own freaking fault for holding the blade to my skin just because i was having a bad day. I hurt all of you because of my own dang self pity."

Haji took her hand in both of his, running his thumb soothingly over it as he did often when she was upset. "Well, your right. But if i had been there i could of told you how stupid you were being. That would of been more fun then sitting here three years."

Saya let out a small laugh and held her lips to one of his hands. "Much more fun...Thank you for being here for me...And i'm still sorry.."

He smiled, standing so he could wrap his other arm around her. "I wouldn't of rathered be anywhere else."

She wrapped her arms around him, smiling.

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Ehh, i know, i go against Haji's usual totally coolness and lack of expression. i just thought this is how he'd be if none of that stuff had happened to him and he had been in a normal situation in his life. Curse me if you will though, lol. i know i've changes Saya up too / but as i think ive said, she tends to be able to change that a lot


End file.
